December 1, 2009
It's not News, It's CNN...

Thanks for taking over our job, CNN.  Now I guess we better go cover the financial crisis and the war in Afghanistan.

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November 13, 2009
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September 17, 2009
a tip for would-be burglars: Wait until you get back home to check your facebook

Whilst robbing diamonds from a house, 19 yr old Jonathan Parker took a reprieve to check -and subsequently forget to log out- of his facebook account.  We can only assume his status now reads: “Jonathan Parker is doing time” for the next 10 years.

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August 5, 2009
Elizabeth Carlisle, formerly of an Akron, OH Petland, decided to reenact The Abyss -specifically the drowning scene- as performed by bunnies.  She then posted a photo of the terrifying aftermath on her Facebook. Thank God she did, as the response from appalled bunny-lovers everywhere has been swift and decisive.  Petland immediately fired heartless she-bitch Carlisle, permanently shuttered the Akron store, and contacted authorities, who are now investigating further.  This begs the question: How many animals did she kill BEFORE she got a camera??? Until things settle, we suggest keeping Floppy’s hatch indoors and impressionable youths away from any Andy Riley books.

Elizabeth Carlisle, formerly of an Akron, OH Petland, decided to reenact The Abyss -specifically the drowning scene- as performed by bunnies.  She then posted a photo of the terrifying aftermath on her Facebook.

Thank God she did, as the response from appalled bunny-lovers everywhere has been swift and decisive.  Petland immediately fired heartless she-bitch Carlisle, permanently shuttered the Akron store, and contacted authorities, who are now investigating further.  This begs the question: How many animals did she kill BEFORE she got a camera???

Until things settle, we suggest keeping Floppy’s hatch indoors and impressionable youths away from any Andy Riley books.

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July 6, 2009
Gawker’s blogger Pareene asks: First of all, why is a vice chairwoman [Audre Shay] of the Young Republicans 38 years old? And secondly, why is she “lol”-ing at racist Facebook comments? Oh, right, because she is a vice chairwoman of the Young Republicans.

Gawker’s blogger Pareene asks:

First of all, why is a vice chairwoman [Audre Shay] of the Young Republicans 38 years old? And secondly, why is she “lol”-ing at racist Facebook comments? Oh, right, because she is a vice chairwoman of the Young Republicans.

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July 5, 2009
Sir John Sawers, who is to take over as chief of the UK Secret Intelligence Service, MI6, and the new British cybersecurity organization, experienced his own personal security breach face-omelet, when his wife posted intimate details and photos of their family and friends on her Facebook profile. Coming to the defense of spy chief Sawers, British Foreign Secretary David Miliband had this to say: “You know he wears Speedo, swim, swimming, swimsuit… I mean what is that? I mean, that’s not a state secret.” Good point.  Regardless, this was still a major coup for SPECTRE, and you can be certain James Bond is furiously changing his privacy settings right this moment. See some Sawers Family Photos on Daily Mail

Sir John Sawers, who is to take over as chief of the UK Secret Intelligence Service, MI6, and the new British cybersecurity organization, experienced his own personal security breach face-omelet, when his wife posted intimate details and photos of their family and friends on her Facebook profile.

Coming to the defense of spy chief Sawers, British Foreign Secretary David Miliband had this to say: “You know he wears Speedo, swim, swimming, swimsuit… I mean what is that? I mean, that’s not a state secret.”

Good point.  Regardless, this was still a major coup for SPECTRE, and you can be certain James Bond is furiously changing his privacy settings right this moment.

See some Sawers Family Photos on Daily Mail

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June 25, 2009
If you’ve been living without internet access and/or in Iran the past week, you may have missed the most heartbreaking image to sweep the world since, well, anything coming out of Iran: Megan Fox unintentionally snubbing a young, adoring fan. But, thankfully, the noble blogosphere won’t sit idly by and allow such atrocities to cripple the hopes and dreams of this bright-eyed youth.  When made aware of the snub by an overwhelming internet response, Ms. Fox immediately offered a personal apology… if anyone could find the kid with the yellow rose.  Kodak, being the selfless-slash-opportunistic corporation it is, began a wide-reaching search to find this mystery “Flower Child” and make this face-to-face meeting of idol and idolizer a reality.  Lo and Behold, within 24 hours, Fox’s Flower Child had a name -Harvii- and his Facebook profile had been published on Gawker . My name is THE INTERWEBZ. Gaze upon my triumphs of Good, ye Mighty, and wonder!” …But upon closer inspection, something about Harvii’s facebook rubs me the wrong way…  Is that a picture of him with Lady Gaga?  And again with the Ugly Jonas Brother?  Is that him with those stupid gimmicky Kanye plantation-shutter sunglasses???  Methinks our sympathy has been snatched by a star-fucker… And hold the phone, what does that say under birthdate?  “1983?!?!?!” This is no Flower Child.  This is a Flower MAN! My name is THE INTERWEBZ. Gaze upon my works of pure, hoodwinking Evil, ye Meak, and DESPAIR!”

If you’ve been living without internet access and/or in Iran the past week, you may have missed the most heartbreaking image to sweep the world since, well, anything coming out of Iran: Megan Fox unintentionally snubbing a young, adoring fan.

But, thankfully, the noble blogosphere won’t sit idly by and allow such atrocities to cripple the hopes and dreams of this bright-eyed youth.  When made aware of the snub by an overwhelming internet response, Ms. Fox immediately offered a personal apology… if anyone could find the kid with the yellow rose.  Kodak, being the selfless-slash-opportunistic corporation it is, began a wide-reaching search to find this mystery “Flower Child” and make this face-to-face meeting of idol and idolizer a reality.  Lo and Behold, within 24 hours, Fox’s Flower Child had a name -Harvii- and his Facebook profile had been published on Gawker .

My name is THE INTERWEBZ. Gaze upon my triumphs of Good, ye Mighty, and wonder!”

…But upon closer inspection, something about Harvii’s facebook rubs me the wrong way…  Is that a picture of him with Lady Gaga?  And again with the Ugly Jonas Brother?  Is that him with those stupid gimmicky Kanye plantation-shutter sunglasses???  Methinks our sympathy has been snatched by a star-fucker…

And hold the phone, what does that say under birthdate?  “1983?!?!?!” This is no Flower Child.  This is a Flower MAN!

My name is THE INTERWEBZ. Gaze upon my works of pure, hoodwinking Evil, ye Meak, and DESPAIR!”

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June 22, 2009
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June 4, 2009
Job Title: EMT / Dead Body Photographer

As an EMT, Mark Musarella’s chief concern is saving lives.  Failing that, he’ll take pictures of the dead and post them on his Facebook.

Musarella lost his job and now faces a year in prison after taking a picture of a strangled body.  To add internet insult to injury, investigators believe the deceased was murdered as a result of out-of-control social website rumors.   Can’t we all just get along online?

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If you are an underage co-ed charged with a fatal DUI, you probably shouldn't post pics on Facebook drinking with your friends... unless you are hoping for some new "jewelry"

Taken from Fark.com

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May 8, 2009

FACEBOOK FUN TIME!

Here’s a neat little easter egg the Facebook programmers hid in the code:

Open your Facebook homepage, then (using the arrow pad) type:

up up down down left right left right

Type “ba” and hit “enter”

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May 3, 2009
Tony Blair’s sister-in-law, Lauren Booth (pictured here with her TigerBeat collage of hunky Palestinian leaders) changed her status from “Married” to “Single” just for funsies. When her perplexed husband, Craig Darby, confronted her about the change, she changed it back, feeling guilty.  But then to add injury to insult, Darby fell into a coma the following day after a severe motorcycle accident. Do you need any more evidence that God hates Facebook Divorces?!?!

Tony Blair’s sister-in-law, Lauren Booth (pictured here with her TigerBeat collage of hunky Palestinian leaders) changed her status from “Married” to “Single” just for funsies.

When her perplexed husband, Craig Darby, confronted her about the change, she changed it back, feeling guilty.  But then to add injury to insult, Darby fell into a coma the following day after a severe motorcycle accident.

Do you need any more evidence that God hates Facebook Divorces?!?!

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April 29, 2009
Here's a Tip...

If you’re going to take a sick-day from work, claiming you’re too sick to use a computer, don’t let your boss catch you on Facebook.

You could end up unemployed, like this Swiss lady.  Come on, guys!  You should know this by now.  Am I talking into a vacuum???

(Thanks to Status:Wrong for the link!)

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File under Facebook Divorce: A furious fiancee dumped and dubbed her boyfriend “traitor pig” after catching him fondling another girl’s boobs on Facebook just days before their wedding. (Thanks to Status:Wrong for the article!)

File under Facebook Divorce:

A furious fiancee dumped and dubbed her boyfriend “traitor pig” after catching him fondling another girl’s boobs on Facebook just days before their wedding.

(Thanks to Status:Wrong for the article!)

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April 24, 2009
Did Julia Allison Break the Law in Search of Facebook Fame? Read Owen Thomas’ article on Valleywag

Did Julia Allison Break the Law in Search of Facebook Fame?

Read Owen Thomas’ article on Valleywag

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